5 STEPS FOR HELPING TEENAGERS MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS - A TEACHER'S PERSPECTIVE.

A few days ago I was regularly encountering a problem with one of my student who would just not turn in any HW.
No matter how much I reprimanded him, talked to him, threatened him, made him to complete his homework in the break time, things just did not change. My school had a very strict policy on HW and it had to complement the daily work completed in class. Naturally the student started to fall behind in his studies due to this short coming.

I surfed the entire internet imbibing any advice I could come through in order to fix that one student. I was so worried for him that he ended up being all that I could think about. What was it that I could do differently to make him do his homework ?

Days passed by, his visits to the principal's office also became regular. I was now desperate to pin point the problem and resolve. I literally went into an espionage mode and spied around for info on his family life. What was keeping him from doing his homework? Was he too busy at home? did he not get any time? unfortunately I came back empty handed. My students sister in the class next door was regularly turning in her homework while being in similar house hold circumstances. during an informal discussion she even disclosed that my sstudent was just too lazy to do his homework, because she always did hers.

The most curious thing about this entire case was that my student was the sweetest most kindest child i had ever seen in the 7th grade. He was helpful, considerate, polite and over all so well behaved. it was hard to picture him as a Homework defaulter and his expressions everytime I caught him with no homework was that of extreme guilt and remorse. How could someone be so sorry and yet do the same thing all over again just the next day ? this boy was a mystery.

So well I went down to my last resort. I made him sit right next to me for an entire month. Owing to how much he loved to help me around the class, he soon became my right hand. I made him my prime confidante.

Until the day the story finally opened up. He came up to me and just blurted out how much he hated coming to this school. Last year a few boys left this school to join the public school stream, at that time I did not consider them to be his close friends, but he did. He mentioned how much he missed them and he wanted to join public school too but his parents had forced him to come here.

that was the day i realized that making a student his age do something that he does not want to is the most difficult job to do in the world. Infact, close to impossible. Why would parents put their children in situations like this?

It is so important for kids between the ages of 13-15 to have the independence of making their own decision and the parents to realize how important it is for them to step back and let them make their own mistakes. The best reminders come in the form a discussion, a dialogue, not a lecture.

I took this opportunity to educate all parents of teenagers to understand, that the will of a teenager cannot be bended, you might force him to subjugate but that will only make the matters worse. The best option is to direct the child in the right direction by reminding him what your expectations are from them in the form of a dialogue. follow these three steps to help address your teenagers concern

1. ACKNOWLEDGE HIS FEELINGS
rephrase what he said in your own words, repeat them back to him. " ok so what i understand is that you want to spen the entire night at your friends place?" , " so what you mean is you want a mobile phone?"

2. MAKE YOUR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT POSITIVE
never give your acknowledgement a sarcastic colour. Be positive and bring out the positivity in your childs thought process, " so you want to spend the night at your friends place because you think you will be having more fun this way right", " so you want to have a mobile phone because you think you can communicate with your friends more regularly this way right"
this might be the hardest part for some parents, because it is not always easy to find positive in an unjustified demans that we are 100% sure of is not good for him, but make the effort to see it through your childs eyes. there is something good that is attracting him towards this decision. It is not always a whim or a desire, teenagers like to think they have put some thought process behind their decision, so acknowledge that thought process because you want to nurture it, not stunt it.

3. ASK HIM TO LIST THE POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES OF THIS DECISION
walk your child through intelligent decision making, they might not follow it perfectly yet but atleast they will be introduced to it and remember it well if you follow it regularly. list down the positives and negatives of this decision. while he tells you that, you will notice, so much of it is coming from your upbringing. his thoughts are what you taught him. be proud of it. let him work out his way using those teachings. then ask him, so what do u think which decision has more positives?
it could be that they cleverly list down more positives for the decision they want to take and have the desire to do. let it go for now. they will learn

4. AFTER WHATEVER YOUR CHILD DECIDES ASK HIM " WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE MY TOP 3 CONCERNS REGARDING THIS DECISION"
As teachers we learn this very well in classroom management, the best rules are those that are made my the students themselves. let your child also decide his rules and limitations himself. most of the times he will give the answer u are looking for, if not a little nudge or a reminder can take them there.

5. LAST QUESTION -  "HOW DO YOU PLAN TO ADDRESS MY CONCERNS?"
This will lock the deal between you and him. Ask him how will manage to keep a check on himself. At this point they might ask you for an advice aswell. offer it as a suggestion not a rule. " maybe if you were to hand me the phone for a few hours you can reduce your screen time?"

following these 5 simple steps can help you support your teenage as he stirs his way through his adult life because if you just force them into doing things you will cripple them for life, and might make them waste their precious years cribbing over something they never wanted to do. Believe me, there is nothing worse than seeing a bright student getting demotivated to do something he can be exceptionally good at just because his parents didn't wait for him to make the same decision by himself but forced it upon him and made him obey in the name of obedience.