A Paradigm Shift

This year I had an opportunity to teach health to my Grade 7 students which became a great source for me to empower them with life skills and address many issues that often go unnoticed with the daily routines of a classroom environment. Therefore, at the beginning of the year, I jumped on the opportunity and challenged myself with the topic most sensitive to the students at that point in time- the subject of bullying and harassment.

The responses, reactions and outbursts that came out of these 12 year olds were jaw dropping. I heard stories and grievances I had never heard before from students. At first I felt that the mere catharsis of letting go of these feelings was more than enough for them. The stories, complains, and comments came pouring out naturally. For the first few classes I assured them that this was a safe space and they can share what ever they wanted to and not be afraid.

There were stories of being bullied and stories of being the bully when they did not want to and even stories that portrayed the teachers as bullies or victims of bullying. The term bullying was being thrown around too loosely to be taken seriously. We covered the things that can be defined as bullying and strategies to handle such cases for the next 2 weeks.

After an intensive month of being focused on the issue what happened today made me realize that this is more than just a curriculum to be covered within a certain number of days, it is what is actually shaping our future generation more than the education we provide. It requires a complete change in the school culture, and an attention to a more family centered, holistic teaching approach.

Today we did a quick write on “ what if you had not known the strategies of how to handle bullying and you were bullied by someone, how would that make you feel, how would you react and who would you turn to for support” I asked the students , that consisted of all boys, to be as detailed in their responses as they can be, expecting them to write a line or two only like they would do usually.

What came ahead was a surprise to me. One of the students who is usually very quiet in the class and always under confident about sharing his responses raised his hand wanting to be the first to share. I know this kid was not too good at language skills and I was afraid that the class would make fun of what he was about to read, so I reminded all the boys that they needed to be respectful and kind to everything that is being expressed in this class, there will be no discussion about it after this and we will all respect each other’s feeling. After the assurances and promises , I asked the boy to continue with what he had written.

He shared with me the most heart touching response. Despite being a teacher for so many years I was perplexed by the idea that I knew nothing about what bullying feels like from the perspective of different kind of students. He told me, in a very detailed essay, how every time he gets bullied he becomes angry from the inside but quiet and aloof from the outside. He doesn’t talk to anyone, not even his parents. He feels like crying but he doesn’t do it until he is asleep at night. Next day he is more angry and gets into fights with his younger siblings. He does not like getting touched by his friends after that, he gets angry with anyone who tries to talk to him.

I imagined myself being in his shoes, how difficult would life be if coming to school meant this. How courageous of this boy to still make it through. And he was just 12.

Next addressing the second part of the question, when I asked him “where do you turn to for support after such incidents, what makes you feel better?” He looked at me straight and I could almost see a tear forming in his big round eyes as he said “a hug from my mom”

A murmur went around the class as he said that, when I asked what others wanted to contribute they all replied “yes a hug from my mom makes it all better” and almost all of us were in tears.

I sat down at my chair realizing  that this is where my role as a teacher ended. There were somethings in a child’s life that a teacher can never replace. Like the place of a mother. The connection of these sons with their moms was priceless. The best I could do at a time like this was strengthen it.

I told them they were right. Your mom can make everything ok. Always turn to her for support, but at the same time , talk to her, never hide anything inside of you. If you can’t talk , write it to her, pick a time when all you do together is talk. This is so so important for their mental health.

I secretly wished in my heart if the modern women of today so obsessed with women rights and having a career could hear these students and feel what I was feeling in this classroom. I wished all the moms in the world could know how much their hugs mean to their kids. I wished all the mothers recognized the power they have over their babies and the strength they impart to them. Mostly, I wished, the mothers of all the kids could always be there for them, whenever they needed a hug, for you never know what is going on in a child's life, you never know what is bothering them.

Right then the bell went off. And these soon to be men , rough and tough boys that walked into my class 45 mins ago, walked out as mama’s little babies. My perspective of these kids was now changed forever.